Saturday, July 30, 2011

Ima needin' some inspiration

Tonight I finished a killer leg workout and headed back to the locker room to change and do some posing. There's not normally anyone around so I don't have to worry about looking completely vain as I check out my progress in the mirror. It's nice to know my mind has shifted from, "ugh, I don't like what I see" to "looking good, ok, let's work on this now". However, neither statement was me saying I'm satisfied.

I am loving how my body has transformed, don't get me wrong, but I'm starting to get nervous again. Just like how I was a few months ago when Jeff asked how I was feeling about the way I looked. At that point, I had contemplated giving up and conceding to the fact that I wasn't going to make enough progress in enough time to be competitive on stage. I didn't want to (and still don't) look like I didn't belong on stage. It wasn't until Jeff said, "I think you can do it, you just have to focus and work hard." Coming from him, that meant a lot. My fire was reignited and I dug deep to find that determination.

Well, tonight I'm needing those words again. Maybe it's the lack of tan, make-up, and hair in a pony. Maybe it's the lack of carbs feeding my brain. Whatever it is, it better pass. So, I have to remind myself why I'm doing what I'm doing. I want to kill it on stage. I want to hear my name in that first call-out. (for anyone who doesn't know, first call-out most likely means you're in the top 5) I want a company to tell me they want me to represent them or they want to sponsor me in some capacity. I want, I want, I want. Ha!

In order to get what I want, I know have to work hard for it. If it was easy, everyone would do it, right? Until recently...this year...I didn't know how hard I could push myself. This contest prep has given me a taste of how much I CAN push myself, and I want more. My muscles like being pushed, they like getting beat to shreds, and I like knowing that I can handle it.

My goal for this next week isn't to be ready to step on stage in 7 days, rather it's to see progress from today. I have 14 days until my goal. I have to remind myself that A LOT can happen and change in 14 days. I just need to focus on what I'm going to do tomorrow to make myself better. Physically, emotionally, spiritually.

Energy and persistence conquer all things. -Benjamin Franklin

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